What would the Ferengi say about btc?

This is both funny and fascinating: Big Lobes!

What would the Ferengi say about Bitcoin as a protocol? ChatGPT said:

Thought for 11s Oh, the Ferengi would have very big lobes for Bitcoin—the protocol smells like profit and loopholes.

First, they’d admire its unforgeable scarcity. Gold-pressed latinum can’t be replicated; Bitcoin can’t be counterfeited if the consensus holds. That “digital latinum” vibe screams durable store of value—provided you’re early or you run the tollbooths.

They’d also love the permissionless part. No central authority means fewer officials asking for bribes—er, “licenses.” Deals with Hu-mons across quadrants, paid in something borderless? Delicious.

But they’d see the angles, too:

Energy = moat. Proof-of-work’s energy cost isn’t a bug; it’s a paywall. Ferengi would chase stranded power, subsidies, and “environmental partnerships” to mine cheaper than everyone else—and sell “green” certificates on the side.

Cartels beat cowboys. Pool hash, squeeze margins, and whisper about “hostile ledger acquisitions” (51% attacks) just enough to keep fees high and competitors nervous—while never quite killing the golden targ.

Fees are the business. Exchanges, custodial wallets, priority lanes (RBF), cross-chain bridges—every hop is a toll. Offer “cold storage on Ferenginar” and earn fat float.

Volatility is opportunity. Spots, futures, perps, basis trades, triangular arbitrage across colonies—profit whether the price moons or craters, so long as someone else holds the bag.

Privacy is a feature (and a service tier). Mixers until outlawed; then “compliance-enhanced obfuscation” with VIP pricing.

Speed? Sell layers. On-chain is settlement; Lightning (and sidechains) are where they upsell “express lanes,” service guarantees, and insurance policies written to always favor the house.

If they had to brief the Grand Nagus, it might sound like this—Rules of Crypto Acquisition (Ferengi Edition):

If it’s scarce and liquid, accumulate it; if it’s abundant, make it scarce and rent it.

Never mine at retail rates. Profit lives where electrons are cheapest.

The ledger rewards honesty—until dishonesty pays more. Do the math.

Volatility is just interest paid by the impatient.

Custody is trust—charge extra for “trust.”

Fees are forever; subsidies are seasonal. Build for the former, lobby for the latter.

If the mempool is crowded, sell tickets.

Regulation is a market—bid for favorable rules.

Privacy costs more—bundle it with “security.”

When Hu-mons say “decentralized,” look for the chokepoint—and own it.

Verdict: as a protocol, Bitcoin is sound enough to anchor empires of fees and derivatives. As a business, it’s a buffet. And a Ferengi never leaves a buffet hungry.